ego. On the eve of her born day, What Said buried many grains of wisdom in my hollow mental chasm hoping fruit would sprout from her seeds. The banter went for hours as she volleyed with each of my rebuttals about the influence of ego. As she continually served large portions of soul food, I began digesting her knowledge about shedding the the desires of self in order to gain a true sense of self. Her critique about my desire to constantly make impressions on the world is my ego. Furthermore, my unyielding desire to define myself is driven by my ego bound by influences of others. I do agree with portions of her analysis. However, I do not credit my ego for my uninhibited ambition to leave an impression on the world. Personally, I don’t care be iconic with my contribution. I don’t have to be associated with my contribution in any form or fashion. Honestly, my ego won’t allow me to be proud of my contribution because I’m better than prideful masturbation. I just don’t want to be one of the 5.99 billion people that doesn’t make a difference and doesn’t really count unless it is for a census. Less than 1% of the world’s population contribute to the collective of life. I want to contribute to that collective. I don’t have to become renowned for my creative work, I just want to creatively contribute. I know my work is bigger than me. It is Universal Forces working on the world. For example, Charles Drew’s discovery saves billions of people each year, yet people do not know of him (DISCOVER CHARLES DREW). What said is correct, my ego does play an important role in my journey to discovery. My ego won’t allow me to care about the criticisms and praise that could be bestowed upon me by my fellow humans or my pride. I don’t do things for the sake of recognition from others. I actually believe I’m better than them, so their recognition is expected and means absolutely nothing to me. I do it because I want to do it. In a world filled with constraints and confinement, the ability to do good while being creative without injuring life is the closest that I will ever get to freedom. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate a world that constrains the savages with rules, orders, laws, etc. I’m quite pleased to live in a world with repercussions for negativity. For those that live righteously, I want freedom to explore the wonders of the world. Unfortunately, the laws that are used to control the savages are used to control the righteous. We, as Americans, have to develop strong egos to survive the poundings from savage laws and silence opinions that may derail us from achieving our greater selves and freedom. My entire life, I’ve been the outcast that always fitted in. As an outcast, I’ve practiced many years of ego strengthening and the ability to ignore to value what people think. These factors are the catalyst that freed my creative mind. Now, I’m at a point that I want to express this creativity in a manner that contributes to the living collective.
What Said believes that my ego is seeking attention, thus making it seem that I’m putting on aires. In my mind, my putting on aires has more to do with my expression of freedom, hard work, creativity, and desire than making superficial and feeble attempts to get my ego stroked by the masses. Again, my ego doesn’t allow me to value what people think of my personal being. I don’t care if people love or hate me. However, I do want people to admire and appreciate my work, even if they don’t know it is my work like Charles Drew. Paul Robeson is the prototype of what I strive to become. He is the personification of meaningful creative freedom. A man that did as he loved for the betterment of who he loved. It was not his ego that made him want to do everything, to be a part of the 1% that contributes to the world. It was his hunger for excellence, and his thirst to be creative in a world that is proud to be mundane. So, yes, my ego does play a part in who I am while protecting me from others and myself. It is the disciplinarian that waves a finger at me while drilling me, “You aren’t doing this for the praise. You are doing this to be free. Besides, those people don’t matter; they don’t really care about you; the only thing that matters is your work and contribution to the soul collective.” If I lose my ego, then I may give into the pressure of becoming another droid in a mundane world and lose while losing the little bit of freedom that I have in my possession. Once I completely earn my freedom and the human collective understands true freedom isn’t forcing artificial conformity on people, then I will proudly shed my ego and become one with the collective. Until then, my ego is a protection measure for me to repel those that rather kill the loves of my life in order to conform to a bromidic status quo.